Monday, October 26, 2009

Almost Brilliant

You know how mayonnaise and ketchup and all sorts of condiments now come in bottles that rest on their lids so the good stuff is always right where you need it? I thought that up. No shit, for real. I was walking up and down the aisles of a Price Chopper in Vermont like 14 years ago and the idea just came to me. We were there just because it was the first grocery in our area open 24 hours. Life was pretty boring, so much so that we thought going to the grocery store at midnight was actually entertainment. We were wilder once.

Somebody stole my idea though. Because it wasn't a month later that I saw Hines ketchup in the now ever-present inverted containers. Bastards. Sneaky damn bastards. How did they steal my idea and get it to market so fast?

Voice recognition. Yep, thought that up, too. Perhaps you are familiar with Dragon Natural Speaking and Ford's Sync? They owe their thanks to me, although some may claim otherwise. But I know what I know. In fact, I'm only typing this entry to spite the "stealers" out there.

It's not just commercial endeavors, either. When it comes to world events, I'm like a modern day Nostradamus. I had the US invasion of North Korea pegged, except George "W" Bush wrecked my prediction with the whole Afghanistan and Iraq wars thing. Technically speaking, both Afghanistan and Iraq are in Asia, so I think I'm still good on that call. Or close enough, anyway.

So folks, ride my coattails to the next big thing. Here's my latest prediction; a public option for health care reform. Bank on it. It's a lock.


  1. Can you send a note to my husband about those bottles? Because for some reason he always puts them upside down defeating the entire purpose!

  2. You're a freakin' genius! Could you tell Heinz that the 1.5 litre bottle of ketchup is stupid though? Um... that's like, ah... a quart and a half for you. There's just too much pressure behind that bad boy.


Please don't take me too seriously.